True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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