you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
