i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
