as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
false alarm. still invincible.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
