im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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