Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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