so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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