I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
