Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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