I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
