Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
