The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
