Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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