i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize