i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
