Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
