U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
