This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
