You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
