Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
