turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
