miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
