Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
