It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
