there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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