Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
