Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
