my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
third nipple confirmed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
