census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
