It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
