Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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