I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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