Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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