It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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