she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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