I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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