Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm both gender and math confused
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
