so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
