Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
