Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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