Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk is a universal language darling
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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