Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm jealous of your bromance
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
