I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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