My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
