I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
