you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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