Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
