Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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