So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
