she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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