THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize