Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
