Im at strip club and am horny
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nutella sex= disaster
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
