I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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