I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
