YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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