Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
