Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
