I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
