I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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