I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
