I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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