Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
