I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
