so that wasnt chicken after all
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
