why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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