U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
