im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
