Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
