I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
