I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
